deeper thoughts...

Because I am sorely missing Jesus talk, I decided to write down some of my thoughts. It doesn't make sense, but its a little chunk of where I'm at right now. Don't worry, I'm not depressed or anything :)

In Screwtape Letters, CS Lewis talks about the Law of Undulation and how as dynamic spiritual beings we have natural highs and lows in every aspect of life. Maybe thats not true for everyone, but in my life that makes so much sense. One day I will be feeling great about how things are going at work, and the next day I will be discouraged and feeling completely inadequate. The same is true with my friends here and my church experience here and, well, basically everything. I am learning that these high and lows are beautiful; Lewis said that it is in our lows that we recognize our weakness and our brought closer to our Saviour. Praise God for our lows! Even though they might not be fun...

I am so thankful that I am getting to experience all this newness and change. Right now the "newness" has warn off of everything up here, but the "enjoyment" kind of love for everything doesn't flow easily yet. Of course there are times that I am genuinely having a good time, but right now I am just really tired of not having the close friendships and good times back home. I miss people making fun of me and understanding my quarks and nuances.Because I can't think of a better phrase: I love you guys! I never realized how deeply I benefited from friendship and community. Its been so cool to be put into a new environment where these things aren't really present...I've learned a TON about myself.

I did end up going to Bible Study on Thursday night. I walked into the church knowing NO ONE and walked up to two girls that looked like they were friends and knew what was going on. I asked if I was at the right bible study and they said yes. Then I explained that it was my first time and they were so nice to me and showed me around and introduced me to a couple people. The bible study itself was ok; I felt like there were more "new believers" there or something. Its hard to explain without sounding really judgmental. The whole experience just made me very thankful for Midtown. Its certainly not perfect either, but the feeling there is so different. The biggest difference is worship I think. That I REALLY REALLY REALLY miss. I can listen to anybody on podcast, but a powerful body of believers to worship with I just haven't been able to find. Maybe I am suppose to learn how to worship in other ways.

Scripture wise I've been reading a little in 1 Corinthians, slowly, word by word and soaking it all in. I loved the first verse Paul talks about being called to "be holy." I've been thinking a lot about what that looks like in my life and what it would look like to non-believers. I've also reread some of Blue Like Jazz and The Shack, mostly for their "feel good" qualities :). Liz, I liked the Shack, but I had some issues with it. Overall it was a great metaphor in the book, and I especially liked the part about how Mack is shown his five kids and asked to select 2 to go to heaven and 3 to go to hell. I guess salvation had never really been that personal to me. I didn't like the ending AT ALL though. I don't think I'm smart enough to understand the symbolism in it, or something. What did you think? Gwen and Molly: read so we can all discuss.

On a lighter side...

I painted today too, Liz! P&G cosponorsed a city-wdie community service deal where residential houses all over the city were painted by volunteers. It was fun and nice to be outside and now I want a house. I AM JEALOUS OF YOU LIZ. When can I come visit? I'll by praying for your aunt. Things are never boring, huh?

Really really love you guys, really really miss you guys...

PS: Molly and my boss next year is tentatively Joe...haha. Thanks to Dan Morrison for spilling the beans....